Haven't you always wanted to have your name immortalized in song? To
hear it as simple-minded folk walk down the street, humming to
themselves, unaware that they are indeed rapt in the throes of your
own unique identity? Well wait no longer boys and girls. Now is your
big chance to have your name immortalized in the greatest of all
genres of pop music: the love ballad. Imagine making love to your
boyfriend/girlfriend while your very own name rings softly in the
background! Or perhaps just crying onto your keyboard, a half-empty
bottle of scotch nearby, while your moniker wafts in the wind, it's
every syllable a cutting jab piercing a new wound in your heart! Or
perhaps just bringing home a total stranger and FUCKING them, saying
bluntly to them between the plastic lips of your Ronald Reagan costume
mask: "Oh yeah bitch, that's my name, in the fucking song! YEAH!"
All you need to do is SEND
ME YOUR NAME, and I will immortalize it in song. I will choose the
best name of all applicants and I will not write a song for someone I
know. Furthermore, you will get no songwriting credits for the use of
your name. But when I'm eating caviar from my hot tub perch somewhere,
and the radio comes on with America's #1 smash hit, you can turn to
your friends or coworkers and say, "Hey - that's MY name!"
